(First off, it should be established that Chi O’s video is not a musical, people are only calling it a musical because there is a fantastic music score which happens to accompany dialogue in the video and for all intents and purposes the video is not a musical.)
Greek Weekend has come and gone and despite the many riveting speeches and the many teary eyed Greeks accepting their awards, the final award for Best Instagram Picture was awarded to Delta Sigma Phi’s, “These Hands Don’t Haze.” The early favorite for Best Instagram Picture was Chi O’s musical entry, “Unlearn Fear and Hate,” with 600 views and featured a crowd favorite song backing their Insta message. This musical came much to the joy and applause of the Transy community who seldom see any sort of musicals this day and age. Insta fans around the Transy community hailed this as a revitalization of the musical platform once copiously used in the old college Instagram days but now seldom seen today. Their counterpart, “These Hands Don’t Haze,” by Delta Sigma Phi, was heralded as an important message for fraternities as they seek to grow from their stereotypical ‘hazing’ surrounding while trying to work through the complexity of life to better themselves in a community that doesn’t understand them.
Austin Stephens, the Greek responsible for announcing the Best Instagram Picture winner, initially tried to perform a stand-up routine during the awards ceremony in an effort to stall the much-anticipated winner of the Best Instagram Picture category. It was only after jeers and taunts came at Austin whereupon he said, “Alright, well ya’know what, I’ll just read this card I got here in my hand and hope for the best.” After initially declaring Chi Omega’s Musical, “Unlearn Fear and Hate,” the winner, Austin received the correct envelope declaring Delta Sigma Phi’s, “These Hands Don’t Haze,” the true Best Instagram Picture Winner. Even with Chi O’s members having already gave their speech, they pronounced Delta Sig the true winners of the Best Instagram Picture category and handed over their trophies.
Cheers rang out from the crowd as they realized the category was won by Delta Sig. Delta Sig soon ran onstage trampled all the Chi O’s and Mr. Stephens, and then proceeded to sacrifice their trophies to summon the Sphinx – an ancient symbol of their fraternity. Ex-president Erik Mudrak said, “Yeah, everything we do, we do with the aims of appeasing this great beast.” If one thing is for certain, it is that the Sphinx may go to sleep at night knowing that Delta Sig is the best.
- Dawn Holterhumph