Transylvania to Give Up Access to TUWIFI for Lent

 

The recent Rambler ban from Transy press conferences has hindered the student community from knowing about this policy. However, the Shambler will remain committed to bringing students coverage of the news and for generations to come.

As Lent approaches and numerous college students across the U.S. pledge to give up meat in an effort to become a vegetarian so they might have another cool talking point at the next party, Transylvania University is proposing to ban access to the student wifi ‘TUWIFI’ as an effort to save on budgeting costs for future scholarships. This new Lent ban will prohibit access for 40 days and supposedly save the university millions over the coming weeks.

When questioned about the new policy, a spokesman for the university said, “We didn’t expect this much backlash. If we take away the wifi then most of the students will quit getting cynical emails from Dr. Dugi, they won’t have to turn in papers online, and they can forget about online readings. Plus, the amount of money we spend on wifi is ludicrous, it could easily be given to a prospective student on the edge of deciding between Centre and Transy.”

Students have been expressing a massive distaste for the proposed new policy. During the what is now being deemed as the Back-Circle Protests, one female student was quoted as saying, “My friend is going to a fraternity function this weekend, how am I supposed to tell her she’s hashtag cute with a smiling face with heart-eyes?” During the Protests, students started yelling, “We pay 40k, bring back the wifi-today.”

Local student Dane Ritter has enthusiastically supported this new policy by going to Facebook and posting, “Y’all, this is exactly what we need! We lose so much of our lives being online when the real meaningful interactions are face to face with other individuals. For darn’s sake, this is what college is about!” Another student, Hunter Overstreet, said, “Yeah, I’m from Boyle County and I’d give a little extra so someone doesn’t have to go to Centre.”

Local students are decrying the new 40 day lent travel ban onto the internet and many more are waiting to see if the lent program will work in bringing students to a Transylvania Home.

  • Dawn Holterhumph

 

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