Some outright villainous news from Transylvania University as grades were posted earlier today, leaving many Pioneers horrified. Upon logging in to Transy’s TNET student portal site, students eagerly navigated to the ‘Grades’ section to view the results of their hard work, only to gasp in complete disbelief of what professor Ben Hawkins had wrought upon them. For those who had performed below B- level, instead of a letter grade students found major spoilers to Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens.
Hawkins explained himself: “I literally told each and every student in my Music Theory course with a ‘U’ on their midterm that I would spoil the new film for them if they didn’t apply themselves, how am I the Darth Vader in this situation? Sure, C’s get degrees, but they’ll also get your beloved movie series ruined for you”
And for those who hadn’t seen any of the Star Wars movies? “That’s a travesty, just ridiculous, automatic F’s to them”
– Burris Jenkins