Transy Adds New Premium Cable Channel

Lexington, KY–Transylvania University, in pursuit of its multimedia mission statement of expending exorbitant amounts of resources in order to reach as few students as possible, announced Monday that it would be launching CrimsonTV, a brand-new cable television channel. The channel, which is scheduled to premier in January with a 24-hour marathon of Alcohol EDU videos, hopes to eventually attain the same level of irrelevance as The Rambler and Radio TLX.

“We try to always be aware of the needs and demands of our students, and to ensure that they are getting the highest quality campus experience possible,” the statement read. “Recently, we’ve heard a lot of requests for additional channels like the SEC Network or HBO, and so, recognizing our students’ desire for premium television, we are proud to introduce CrimsonTV”.

The network, which will be run by practicum students for .25 course credit, promises to offer the best in both journalism and entertainment. To accomplish this, Transylvania also announced that it had ordered full seasons of several television shows, including Real Housewives of Hazelrigg, Keeping Up With the Ashleys, and Law & Order: DPS, as well as daily news shows Slept In Until Noon and Intramurals Now.

“We’re very excited about our upcoming slate of programs,” said Scott Whiddon, a professor of Writing, Rhetoric and Communications who is serving as a consultant for the network. “They were all developed by the students in our WRC-2294 Special Topics class, and they all got a passing grade from Gary Deaton.”

In related news, Transylvania announced Monday that to fund the new premium channel, students’ Room & Board fees would be raised by $2,000 beginning with the Winter 2016 term.

–Alva Woods

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