Student Discovers Secret Evil in Cru Pancakes

Lexington–

For several years, the on-campus religious organization known as Cru has been providing students with pancakes as part of a student outreach and involvement program. Members of Cru can often be heard reminding students to come to “midnight pancakes”, which is usually held on a single Saturday each month. The event always has high attendance, drawing in students from various social circles, and from various places on campus. All in all, Midnight Pancakes is an event with a great turnout and an equally great purpose. Or so it seems.

Recently, a student made a dark discovery. One night, having nothing better to do, Senior Clark Murray decided that he was going to try something new; rather than eating his pancakes, he decided to see what they sounded like when played on a record player. “Well, I figured that everyone always eats the pancakes, but I thought that probably no one had ever tried listening to them”, said Murray.

And he was right.

“Well, when I played it the normal way, there was this terrible noise. The sound of the needle just ripping through the pancake was not pleasant when played over speakers, let me tell you”, he said plainly. However, what he discovered next would be far, far worse.

“I decided after that to play it backwards. I mean, I’m a man of science, and I felt that I had to at least see what the reverse sounded like. I had already come so far”, Murray said. So he switched the record player so that it would play backwards, and loaded up another pancake.

pancak

The sound that played over the speakers was different this time, in a sinister yet noticeable way. “Well, it was still primarily the sound of the needle just shredding the pancake,” said Murray “but underneath that sound, I unmistakably heard a voice say the word “doom”‘. Horrified, Murray continued to listen to the noise, noting a least 35 instances of what sounded like dark omens.

Since Murray made the discovery, an investigation has begun into the exact pancake-making process that Cru employs. Only time will tell if the delicious fluffiness is a front for a deep seated evil. The Shambler will continue to report as the story develops.

–Reuben Cave

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