Transylvania University Officially Peaks

LEXINGTON, KY. – In the wake of the recent publicity received from the Taylor Swift concert, administrators at Transylvania University announced Wednesday afternoon that they believe the school to have officially peaked. The announcement came from Vice President for Marketing and Communications Michele Sparks just after lunch.

“We’re receiving unprecedented levels of national attention, our students received free concert tickets, and they met arguably the biggest pop celebrity in the world. Plus Mel Brooks wore a Transy hat today. I think it’s safe to say this is the climax in the long and storied history of Transylvania University.”

Analysts have expressed concern over the future success of the university.

“Transy has a long history of academic success and commitment to personal cultivation that they will likely continue,” One such analyst said, “But all of that pales in comparison to being noticed by a celebrity for about 15 minutes. I just don’t know if Transy will be able to ever live up to this level of exposure.”

When asked about the recent inclusion of faculty members in national academic publications, the active commitment of students to community service, or the historic inauguration of President Seamus Carey, Sparks had only this to say:

“Okay but did you know that our students gave some of their concert tickets to little kids?”

-Horace Holley

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