Campus Prepares For Eileen Ivers To Redefine Metal

Transylvania and Eileen Ivers are busy making preparations for the noted Irish musician to rock so fucking hard on Wednesday, October 7th.

“Ever since I was a kid, I’ve looked up to Eileen Ivers,” said sophomore Tristan Samsonite. “In middle school when the other kids were listening to poser bands like Linkin Park and My Chemical Romance, I found solace in her lilting Irish melodies and soul-rending lyrics.”

Ms. Ivers gained notoriety following her independent debut cover album “Celtic Crucifixion”, featuring hit singles ‘For Whom The Belfast Tolls’ and  ‘Down With The Guinness’. Opening for Eileen “The Bonebruiser” Ivers on Wednesday will be a cover band consisting only of 35 guitar players performing the collected works of noted classical music ensemble Dropkick Murphys. Tickets will cost you the use of your non-dominant hand at the door, or a pint of your own blood in advance. All proceeds go to the Lexington Blood Bank.

– Henry Bidleman Bascom

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