Transylvania Announces Plans to Tear Down and Rebuild Historic Patterson Cabin

Lexington-

Early this morning, the Transy Builds initiative announced plans for a new construction project involving the Patterson Cabin, which stands on the edge of campus, near the library.  The details of the plan were made clear in a press release, outlining intents to demolish the small one-room building and replace it with a “more modern” re-imagining of the cabin.

The cabin, built in 1775, was one of the first structures built in the area, and helped to encourage settlement of what would eventually become Lexington. According to sources in Haupt Humanities, it is very closely tied to the story of Lexington itself.

Patterson Cabin

“As we were discussing all of the construction projects we wanted to pursue, all I could think about was that dilapidated little house” said the President of the school. “I knew that I wanted to breathe some new life into that small, wooden, hand-built corner of campus”.

Another section of the plan lays out the features of the proposed new cabin, which include several flat screen televisions, wireless internet, multiple couches and chairs, and a hot tub.

“I’ve been saying for years that if Transy really wants to be competitive in the world of admissions, a hot tub is an absolute necessity,” said senior Clark Murray, “though I am a little sad that I won’t get to use it. I actually prefer to do my homework in a hot tub, and have had to commute to do so all these years. Think of how convenient this is!”

Also included in the press release were plans to rename the cabin. “We felt that with all of the re-branding we are doing on campus, it was important to stress progress in all areas. We couldn’t just build a completely new cabin and then let it still be called Patterson Cabin,” said a member of the Communications Office, “Plus, for some reason, we had a bunch of alumni from the Kappa Alpha Order that were interested in having a cabin named after them”.

A date for the start of the project has not been set.

–Reuben Cave

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