Sorority Scandal: “My Little Isn’t Perfect”

LEXINGTON, KY – As the pandemonium that is Greek Recruitment consumes campus, one sorority woman is making waves of her own. Thursday night, in an emotional and lengthy Facebook post, senior AOII Heather Owens publicly announced for the first time that her little is not, in fact, perfect.

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“I can no longer continue to lie to my sisters and the rest of the campus community,” Owens said in the post, which has since been deleted. “I have always prided myself on being a trustworthy individual and, having now maintained this illusion for nearly three years, am beginning to question whether I was ever that at all,” she continued. An examination of Heather’s timeline reveals numerous photos of her little, junior Laura Gibson, performing various mundane tasks such as eating an ice cream cone and napping on a futon, all with captions boasting the pride felt by Owens for having a little who is “perfect.”

Following a list of idiosyncrasies and imperfections held by Gibson, including “confusing the words infer and imply” and “thinking Interstellar was a good movie” among others, the post concluded, “Laura, I will always love you and I hope you know that. I am sorry that I have waited so long to tell you this, but I can no longer keep up this charade.”

The response from the Greek community has been swift and highly divided. “This type of honesty, bravery, and critical self-reflection  is the exact type of thing that I look for in our campus leaders,” said Director of Student Involvement and Leadership Shane McKee, one of several prominent figures to declare support for Owens.

The reactions have not all been positive, however, with some even calling for Owens to resign from her leadership roles on campus. “I looked at Heather as a friend, a sister and someone I could trust,” said one AOII who wished to remain anonymous. “To know that she was comfortable lying about this not only to me, but everyone we know, makes me wonder what else she’s lied about. Is her name really Heather? Does she even have a little?”

For her part, Laura Gibson, whose name is at the center of this firestorm, seems relatively unfazed by the revelation. “I guess I’ve always kind of known,” she told The Shambler in an exclusive statement. “After all, everybody knows that I’m the only one with a perfect little.”

-Abraham Drake

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