Brave Expedition Enters Abandoned Ruins of Admissions Office


Recently, intrepid explorers mounted their first trip into the Admissions Office, which has been spookily abandoned for several months. The office, which once employed a high number of staff, or “like definitely more than five people” as one student recalled, was transformed into a desolate wasteland in the wake of abrupt upper management changes.

In the last recorded conversation with the new management, a spokesperson had this to say: “we’re just doing things a little bit differently from here on out. For one thing, we’ve decided to turn Casual Fridays into Casual Thursdays. In addition to that, we’ve also decided to let all of our employees go! Small changes can really add up in a big way!”

DPS ventures into the tangled remains of the Admissions Office, led by stand-in Officer McConaughey 

However, that was months ago. This optimistic note was followed by a startling period of silence from the office that lasted throughout the summer. Fearing the lack of communication between Admissions and the outside world, the Department of Public Safety formed an expeditionary force to investigate matters. What they found was nothing short of shocking.

“Upon entering the Glenn building, we were forced to fight our way past packs of wild dogs and looters that had long since established territory in the area formerly known as the lobby,” said one member of the team.

“We then fought our way through what can only be described as a full, Amazon-level jungle that has sprung up where the reception desk once was,” said one Biology major who journeyed with the team, “It really just shows how ready nature is to take over once people disappear from an area”.

Eventually the team was able to navigate the foliage and locate the management team, which had been surviving “Bear Grylls style” for the entirety of the summer. With contact re-established, the Shambler reached out to the upper management, receiving this comment.

“We have already begun clearing out the jungle, and things are operating smoothly, just like we planned when we accepted our positions a few short months ago. We are even expanding our staff! Just yesterday, a tumbleweed blew into the office, and we hired it on as a counselor! It had a very impressive resume.”

The Shambler will publish updates on the story as they occur.

–Reuben Cave


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