Vikings, Mongols, Among Others Practice Pillaging in Leftover Clay & Davis

Yet another group of fun and unusual visitors took advantage of the remnants of Clay and Davis Halls this morning, but these guys had some real spunk!

mongols3
Look at them go!

In a matter of hours, Viking warriors, Mongolian cavalry, and Germanic barbarians swarmed into the disheveled grounds of Back Circle to practice their pillaging. Over the last hundreds of years, the mighty armies have become rusty with their tactics and brute force maneuvers, so with approval from Transylvania’s Administration along with full support from the History department, they let the warlords loot. How fun! 

The residence halls were pretty much desecrated after flaming arrows shattered countless windows and brutish Vikings force slammed the Clayvis pool table in half. So much was damaged that Transylvania’s Office of Residence Life had to intervene:

“Just because the building is going down Monday, does not mean that this level of offense to Transylvania property is acceptable. How the hell did Dr. Russell convince Administration that this was a good idea?” scolded Associate Director of Residence Life Tristian Fretwell, he added “But to be honest, we’ve seen far worse damage from the fraternity men who previously lived there, so we were lucky this time.”

The hordes of barbarians are being fined appropriately.

But wait, check out the other campus fun coming to Clay & Davis this farewell weekend!

  • Johns Hopkins School of Immunology & Disease studying profound levels of asbestos
  • Ghouls and goblins summer camp
  • The Rambler still doing something 
  • Filming for Weekend at Bernie’s 3
  • Bees!
  • Uranium-infused nuclear weapon testing

Before Transy says goodbye to their crummy residence halls, you best believe that they’re going to milk that shit. From breakthroughs in Asbestos research to hazardous nuclear testing, the final uses of the halls are going to be in action until the second the wrecking ball hits.

– Burris Jenkins

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