SGA President Could Be Anyone At This Point

In a blunderous move, literally hundreds of students, celebrities, historical figures and even animals ran for SGA president this year, making the decision and votes way too confusing for administration to come to a verdict. The dog from Up pulled a good amount of the canine population’s vote, but did not get a majority over the super-popular Air Bud. Honestly, it’s any one’s game at this point as Transy’s deans carefully pick through the thousands of online, paper, and granite slab votes that have piled up. In a statement today, Transylvania has announced the top contenders so far:

1999 Britney Spears


The ghost of Patrick Swayze


The entire cast of Full House

full house

Drake’s emotional side


Thoroughbred racing legend, Secretariat 


Vin Diesel


Your dick cousin Chad


Air Bud

air bud

A gust of wind

Two businessmen kneeling on pavement, reaching for paper blowing in wind

Fresh Prince-era Will Smith

will smith

White privilege

white priv

Paul Blart: Mall Cop


A handsome construction worker from New A


The Iluminati


Coach Cal’s hair

coach cal

The Transy student body awaits the official announcement with much excitement, as the Fresh Prince of Bel Aire has a great relationship with administration, and Secretariat holds much promise with fiscal responsibilities. We will keep you covered as further developments are released.

-Burris Jenkins


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