LEXINGTON, KY. – In a recent weekend excursion to Cairo, Dr. Begley recovered the ancient Ark of the Covenant, believed the be the vessel of the Ten Commandments. The feat was accomplished over May Term break. It was not all fun and archaeology for Begley, however, as he encountered resistance from a band of German Nationalists. Begley was able to quickly dispatch the Nazis due to many factors, including his rugged facial hair, his skill with a whip, and their average age of 95.
The only major hiccup during the adventure came when Begley tried to get the ark through customs in the Jerusalem airport, when he tried to take it as a carry on. After recovering the ark, Begley consulted with Religious Studies professor Dr. Jones to confirm the historical validity of the Ark and the Commandments contained within.
“Well, I was there when they wrote them,” Jones said, “and if you look closely, Moses drew one of those S-shaped things from elementary school on the back. That’s how I know it’s real.”
When asked for a comment, former University President Owen Williams had this to say, “It’s pretty impressive. Still not tenure worthy though, he’s just not published enough.”