11 Things Almost As Repulsive As Centre

Every U of L needs its UK, Mega Blocks its Legos, and Rambler its Shambler. Pitting two seemingly similar things against each other has gone on for ages, where one is just objectively better for one reason or another.

 Take Eagleton, Indiana- a clean and developed town where everything is pristine and perfect. Though located on a hot spring, and home to a cupcake factory that wafts an aroma of vanilla throughout the town, it still sucks. Why? Because everyone there is an arrogant pinhead, that’s why. Now compare places like uppity Danville Eagleton with towns like Pawnee, where people don’t wear ascots and Segway to their gazebo, where things aren’t 100% perfect, but the character and genuine personality of the town more than makes up for it. Eagleton had the upper hand for a while, but ultimately fell to Pawnee, because Pawnee was doing pretty damn well all along.

Centre is a spitting image of of Eagleton, mostly because it just plain sucks. It is “the land of snobby jerks” and a place where literally no one can spell. There are but two pastimes at Centre: staring at perfectly manicured lawns, and going to Wal-Mart. Rumor has it that Owen Williams actually made that massive $250,000,000 donation to Centre as one big April Fools’ prank. All in all, Centre is just repulsive. 

 Did Voldemort graduate from Centre in 1957? Who’s to tell. Here are 11 things nearly as vile and undesirable as the Danville liberal arts college:

1) The vegetarian section in the Caf

2) Every square inch of Clay:

3) That girl with the Crocs on your hall:

4) The ramen residue that has been on that spoon since November:

5) People who brave the showers barefoot:

6) Any fraternity chapter room:

7) Getting kicked in the face by Spiderman:

8) Your roommate’s internet history:

9) Making out with Steve Buscemi:

10) Buttered popcorn flavored jellybeans:

11) The Clayvis ice machine:

– Burris Jenkins


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