Editor of Transylvania’s “Rambler” Believed to Be Shapeshifting Lizard Person

Lexington—

In a shocking turn of events, new evidence has surfaced that says there may be more to the seemingly normal staff of Transylvania’s second most popular news source, the Rambler.

Late Wednesday night, junior Clark Murray rushed into the DPS office, frantically shouting what seemed to be gibberish. “When we finally got the student to calm down and speak clear English, we were even more confused than when he first came in,” said one officer, “he started telling us about seeing some sort of monster down in the Rambler office in the basement of Clay Hall”.

According to Murray, he had been searching for some quarters in the Clay Hall laundry room (in order to buy a soda), when he heard a sound coming from the door that leads into the Rambler editorial office. As he walked up to the entrance to investigate, what he saw caused him to immediately have what he described as a “level nineteen freak out”.

“What I saw was more disturbing than the time all of the toilets got clogged at once on fourth Davis,” said Murray, “I watched in horror as a well-known student and editor of the Rambler molted out of their skin. At first I thought I was dreaming, but the creature saw me and came towards me”.

Clark was too shaken up to continue giving a vocal interview, but he managed to write down the rest of his story. Apparently, the giant reptilian creature, upon seeing Clark, resumed the humanoid form of the student. Upon seeing this, Clark immediately ran out of the building and into the DPS office.

“We’ve suspected for a while that the Rambler might have had some sort of shapeshifting alien creature on staff,” said one officer, “I mean have you read the things they’ve written? That stuff couldn’t come from a bunch of regular students”.

It is not clear at this time whether or not the creature witnessed by Clark is the only one hiding among the Rambler staff. The investigation has been added to a growing number of cases, including the Don Dugi-Basilisk case which is still ongoing. The Shambler will provide updates as they occur.

-Reuben Cave

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