Outrageous New ‘Low Impact’ Technique Sends Campus into Frenzy

Lexington, KY – In a radical display of its power, Transylvania’s Sustainability Office implemented its first ever “mandatory lights out” initiative across campus tonight, leaving most of the university without power for the evening.

The campus-wide outage comes as the Office’s last-ditch effort to curb rising electricity costs and reduce the university’s carbon footprint to a more manageable size 9 ½. “We were out of ideas,” said one Sustainability officer. “Then we thought: what if we just turned off the power? What could possibly go wrong?”

College Heights Herald

So far the effort has been met with heavy resistance, with several campus residences having already descended into anarchy. As beer rapidly begins to warm in unpowered fridges, looting has become rampant. TUWIFI is reported to be responding, only slightly slower than usual.

– Abraham Drake


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