Goose Leads DPS on Literal Goose Chase

LEXINGTON, KY. – In a day full of farm animals running rampant in Lexington, a wild goose lead the Department of Public Safety on a chase across campus. The goose first appeared on campus around 2:00 pm near Old Morrison, where it startled a philosophy class enjoying the weather outside.


“At first I was scared”, one student said, “but then I carefully considered what it means to be a goose. I mean on an existential level. After that, it wasn’t so bad.”

DPS was summoned in a matter of minutes, but the goose fled. The brave officers chased it on their golf cart all the way to the Beck Center, where the goose disappeared behind the Beck Center. DPS was unable to relocate the animal, and declared a state of emergency for the campus. One officer had this to say:

“We tried to call local police for help, but they were too busy chasing some goat or something over at UK. Weird day.”

-Horace Holley


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