Transylvania Student Comes Out as Republican

LEXINGTON, KY – In a brave move, Sophomore business major Seth Galloway has openly identified as a Republican. The declaration came Monday morning.

“The sun was shining, it was a beautiful day. I just couldn’t live it as anyone other than myself. I had to get it out there.” Galloway said. The news swept campus quickly. He has since had to leave campus to escape the constant side eyes and scoffs from other students.


“I just can’t understand how anyone could be like that,” an anonymous English major said in a recent interview, “I don’t feel bad for him. He made the choice to be Republican, he has to bear the consequences. Maybe if their kind weren’t so close minded, they would be more welcome on campus. Plus, when he grows up, he’ll probably marry another Republican. And their kids will be Republican. It’s just a cyclical problem. I can’t stand it anymore.”

“I can’t help it. It’s just who I am,” Galloway said in response, “I just don’t support the welfare state and I believe in the free market. I don’t think successful people should be punished with taxes. But that’s just me. You all can think what you want.”

Galloway said he hopes to return to campus in the next few weeks.

“I don’t think my absence will be an issue. I usually miss 1 or 2 classes a week anyway, and still have an A in most of my classes. I love being a business major.”

-Horace Holley


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