Maniac Refuses to Stop at Broadway Crosswalk

LEXINGTON, KY – Students are horrified Tuesday morning after nearly being hit by a car walking across Broadway. Reports indicate that at roughly 9:20 am, 3 students were nearly struck by a passing vehicle that refused to stop at the designated crosswalk in front of Forrer Hall.


“I’ve honestly never been more scared in my life,” said Amber Young, a first year student, “I was just on my way to Jazzman’s and some a-hole came flying through. I saw him coming, but was running late and really needed to get my Supreme Mocha Macchiato before class. I had no choice but to hold my breath and hope they missed me.”

Other students confirmed Young’s story. Junior student Miles Billups was seen recovering on the steps of the Beck Center in a shock blanket. The Shambler was able to catch him for a quick interview before his transfer to the nurse’s office.

“It was terrifying. I kind of saw it coming. After all, it was this giant red bus thing, with these ridiculous lights and really loud sirens going off. But I had class and needed to get my seat by the window. It only missed me by 10 feet at most.

DPS is looking into the matter and hopes to have a lead in the next 4-6 weeks.

-Horace Holley
Photo Credit to


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