Rafinesque Reviews: The Rafburger

Shortly following my yet unexplained resuscitation, I was approached by a rather fine company of students, asking if I would be interested in contributing to their magazine; The Shambler. Though I hardly understood how words could be transmitted through the air to glowing rectangles with buttons, I felt called to once again serve fair Transylvania in whatever manner I could. They asked me if I would be willing to judge the school’s culinary fare, and being perhaps an odd request, I admit that I am no stranger to fine dining. I readily accepted the task.


I was surprised to find that in my absence, darling Transylvania immortalized me in a restaurant. Though a rather weak pun on the German Ratskeller, I was honored none-the-less. I descended the stairs into the Rafskeller, and there was met with the eyes of dozens of students. They seemed particularly befuddled by my dress, obviously bewildered by the length and extravagance of my coattails and  the quality of my trousers. I must say modern style has lost some of the class of my era. Undeterred, I carried on the counter, where I perused the glowing menu. It turns out, I even have a sandwich named after me! It seemed a natural dish to start my series with, and so despite the confused expressions from the employees, I ordered the Rafburger (I originally ordered a “Meburger”, but they did not seem to understand my wit!).

The sandwich, paired with a serving of fried potato sticks, delighted my every tastebud! Perhaps because it was my first meal in well over 150 years, but never before had I enjoyed something so delicious. At the suggestion of the lovely countermaid, I substituted the buns for pieces of Toast of Texas. The flavors of grease from the hamburger and butter from the toast, combined with the salt of the potato sticks, or “fries”, nearly brought a tear to my eye. I could not ignore the glances from nearby diners as I exclaimed my satisfaction with my lunch, but my enjoyment simply could not be contained! It is with enthusiasm that I recommend the Rafburger to every student of Transylvania!

It is worth mentioning that some hours later, my chest ached a great deal and my stomach roared in discontent. Though I’m confident the pain was unrelated, it would not be right to withhold such possibly relevant information. Until next time, fair reader!

-Constantine Rafinesque


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