Official 2015 Greek Awards Predictions

LEXINGTON, KY –

Monday evening, the Greek Community will be celebrating a year of wearing shapes on their chest and yelling loudly with the 2015 Greek Awards. Here at the Shambler, we have been observing the trends on campus the last 12 months and have compiled our list of predictions for the various awards. We now present a selection of our predictions:

(c) Paintings Collection; Supplied by The Public Catalogue Foundation

Greek Man of the Year – Sophocles

It should be unsurprising at this point that our prediction for Greek Man of the Year is Sophocles. The ancient Greek playwright has won the award for the last 2,500 years, and continues to influence modern theatre and drama. We recently caught up with Sophocles in Elysium for a comment on his unprecedented streak.

“You know, the excitement really kind of wore off after award number 750 or 800.” The poet said, enjoying a pina colada, “I just wish most people would think of me for something other than Oedipus. That was really a darker time in my life, and I don’t really like it defining me.”

Plato could be seen sulking behind a nearby tree.

Emerging Greek Leader– Alexander of Macedon

It is hard to imagine anyone taking Alex’s place for emerging Greek leader. After being taught by Aristotle, Alex looked East and started walking, taking everything in his way. If there is a con against him, it would be his lack of creativity. Alexander had a habit of naming his cities, rather predictably, Alexandria. Other than that, you could say he is pretty…great.

“Yeah, I guess it would be pretty cool to win,” he said in a recent interview, “but there’s a lot of good competition out there and I would be happy for whoever takes home the trophy.” Before he could comment further, Alex put his sunglasses on, flipped his hair, and rode into the sunset.

Greek Chapter of the Year – The Allegory of the Cave

Plato’s Allegory of the Cave is our favorite for Greek Chapter of the Year. The chapter out of The Republic has been an influence on philosophy for years, and an invaluable tool for amatuer film critics to prove that they understand The Matrix. It’s hard to imagine Plato not leaving with this award, but it will likely do little to satisfy after losing to Sophocles for the 2503rd year in a row in the coveted Greek Man of the Year.

Be sure to check back with The Shambler for more updates on Greek Awards!

-Horace Holley

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