In the wake of record breaking snowfalls and a blast of arctic cold, Transylvania students have been forced to deal with the worst of winter. Campus thoroughfares have been encased in ice and snow that refuses to melt for over a week. One important pathway, Forrer Courtyard, has been a true source of difficulties for frustrated students.
“Honestly, I studied abroad in Antarctica and that wasn’t nearly as bad as what we’re dealing with here,” said one sophomore, “the other day I tried to walk through the courtyard and my nose hairs froze. Think about that”.
Alternate pathways, such as the one in the basement of Forrer, have not been helpful. “The, uh, increased usage of Forrer basement has led to, uh, some serious traffic jams” one DPS officer said, “In fact, we’ve seen three accidents today. We have officers on the scene assisting with clean up, but who knows how long that will take”.
In light of these complications, some students have proposed a new solution: heated snowmobiles.
“It just came to us one day in calc class,” one of the students recounted, “we’ve petitioned student government for three snowmobiles. Hopefully they’ll pull through, otherwise how can we be expected to make it to the caf, let alone class. Like all of our requests, this one is entirely reasonable. I mean, we pay to go here, right?”