Local campus newspaper with rather mediocre name “The Rambler” has been called out in recent studies from the Cowgill Center of Business, Economics, and Education. Reports indicate that the bi-weekly college post has burned through an outraging 40 million beautiful, healthy trees in just the past six years.
Transylvania’s beloved Back Circle was once home to over ten large bark covered plants, of which one unnamed student revealed to us that they caught a writer of The Rambler sawing down. Construction on a new residence hall was pitted with the blame for this incident, but it has been uncovered that The Rambler was behind this act of environmental disrespect all along.
We at the Shambler are proud to announce that zero trees have been lost in any of our efforts.
– Burris Jenkins